A Real HeartMath® Introduction
HOW HEARTMATH® REALLY WORKS
In true COVID-19 fashion, extremes recorded on a HeartMath® session show just how much feelings make a difference in our health.
Heart-brain coherence is hugely affected by our emotions. Blaire shares her very special first encounter with just how much emotions do matter in the heart-mind coherence techniques - and what that tells us about how important it is that we pay attention to our thoughts AND feelings.
I often find myself repeating some of the same stories over and over to clients, friends and anyone who seems interested. I want to share my personal experience with Heartmath® with you, because it is one of those stories. I accidentally recorded this brief session on the Heartmath® device I was trying to show my daughter, and it turned out to be the best explanation of how important our feelings and thoughts are.
Setting the scene
Time: June 12, 2020 approximately a 2-minute interaction with my daughter as she walks in the door after spending a little time outside
Mom: Me, working at home all day. Received the HeartMath® order I had placed for the software and Heart Rate Variability (HRV) device used in Heartmath® Techniques just about an hour before my children came home from school. I had opened the packages, installed the software and hooked it up to myself. I had listened to one of the training sessions, but hadn't gone any further. This first training session included some practice while using the device to see real time results.
Daughter: Ten years old, end of 5th grade year, COVID-19 had shut down regular school and she had been home for the last three months learning to manage at-home school, avoid going out, and experiencing pandemic for the first time in her life.
Brand new puppy: Tally, the schnoddle puppy,~9 months old.
Other Important information: I reiterate, ten years old, 5th grade pre-teen girl.
A little background
At this point, I was convinced (and still am) that essentially, everyone would benefit from knowing how this works, especially anyone dealing with any sort of feelings which seem to get in the way of your pleasure in life (aka - literally everyone). I was still riding high on the new information I was learning from the Scientists, Mystics and Sages conference in 2019.
Some of the first people we think about helping are those closest to us - so of course, my daughter popped into my head when thinking of who I could share this with to help. As her mother, of course I want her to have the best experience possible and I'm ready to share what I know.
If you've had a daughter who is past the middle school age, you understand the importance of referencing this age. For those of you who don't have daughters, or daughters of that age yet - this is a particular time of development. Common behaviors and modes of thought include being completely tired of listening to parents, and sometimes any adult because they've already heard many of the things which adults say - over and over. I mean, they're already so smart - do all these adults really have that much to teach us anymore?!
I say that candidly with a little drama, but it is a truthful explanation. I have some education and professional experience with adolescents. I have a Masters in Education, have taught over nine years in public schools - ALL of those years including middle school students to some degree. Additionally, my mother was a teacher for 41 years. She was patient, steady and wise beyond belief. Pre-teen girls are not much different than toddlers, a handful - but amazing in their own rights. One minute they're sassy beyond belief and tired of sharing air with you, the next minute they're acting like they did when they were five, giggling, laughing and sharing simple joys with trusty 'ole mom (or dad).
<< Front door opens suddenly. Daughter slips inside and slams shut the door quickly. >>
Daughter: Hi Tally! Did you miss me?! Oh, Tally, did you have a good day? Oh, I missed you too!
Mom: Hi, How was playing outside? Did you have fun?
Daughter: I'm going to die. I'm so thirsty, I have to get a drink, right now!
Mom: I've got something to show you, its soooo cool.
<< Mom clips the device to her ear, signs in to the software and starts a session to get ready to show her daughter. Daughter drops her bag. Takes off shoes right at the door and goes to get a drink from the kitchen.>>
Mom: Look! [squeak, giggle in excitement] I got this HeartMath® thing I was telling you about! It's so cool. I want you to try it!
<<Daughter chugs water, then 3-4 gasps for air to catch her breath. Gets a snack. Puts the snack on the table next to her drink after a few bites. She lies down on the floor. Tally is right in her face, ready to play, with her very favorite, alive toy! The very best 10-year old mom. >>
Daughter: I'm don't want to do anything right now. I'm tired.
Mom: But its so cool, and it will be quick. Pleeeese! Let me just get you set up. We don't have to do a lot. I've already got it pulled up. Pleeeese!
<< Cue rolling eyes, glare at mom from a tolerant pre-teen. >>
Mom: Look, all you have to do is put this on. Let me show you what it does. This will help with school, sleeping and so much more! It will be really good and really easy, I promise! It's going to be so good!
<< No comment from daughter, "Maybe if I ignore her, she won't make me do this?">>
Daughter: I'm tired. I don't want to do it.
<< Mom waits some time to let her relax. Mom moves chair next to her chair at the computer table.>>
Mom: Come on, it'll only take a second, its really cool!. It won't be long.
<< Daughter begrudingly gets up off the floor with Tally and creeps over to mom near the computer desk. Slouched shoulders, attention diverted elsewhere. Daughter sits slumped at the chair pulled to the side of mom.>>
Daughter: Oh-kayee. If I have to.
Mom: So, so this is how it works...
<< Mom starts to explain how the device works, and shows daughter what the lines on the graph mean. Daughter gets super sassy, and is trying to communicate she does NOT want to do this right now. Mom doesn't listen in all her excitement. Mom has forgotten she had the device already hooked up to herself, and was running a session right then. Mom shifts to show the software to daughter. >>
Mom: See, look, this is my HRV graph here.
<< Mom goes into explaining what is involved in doing one of the techniques. Daughter gets sassier, more demonstrative of her annoyance and disinterest in doing this right now. >>
Mom: I'm just trying to show this to you because it will HELP you and its EASY. Can you please give it a shot?
<<More sass - Mom translates this into "I don't care!" Mom gets really frustrated and tries to communicate more about the topic. Daughter isn't having it.>>
Mom: Just forget it! I don't know why you can't listen and at least TRY! Just go away from me.
<< Daughter quickly goes away into her room to retreat and recover from being social all day and cool off.>>
Mom
(internally):
"Damnit, I have other stuff to work on. I don't understand why she won't even TRY. What a turd! She doesn't even know how good this stuff is, and she's not listening. She's really being rude, and crossing the line. I didn't teach her talking to me this way was OK - I thought I taught her it WASN'T OK! She wouldn't talk like that to others. She better not talk to other people like that! Screw this, I'll just go back to doing my other work. I don't love this stage of development, it's like she's three all over again. Man that was an annoying age. This wasn't supposed to happen for two more years!" Mom clicks back to the other program to go back to other work.
<<Insert other habitual thoughts about all people who cause her frustration like this. Irritation goes into full swing. A few moments pass, and she gets distracted with work and lets the frustration and anger go. Finally, mom can feel the those emotions leave her body as her shoulders, back and arms relax. SQUEEEEEAK, click, Daughter's bedroom door opens and closes behind her. Daughter walks out to mom on the computer still. Mom is busy working, not really excited about more sass.>>
Daughter: I'm sorry, Mom, I wasn't trying to be disrespectful or mean. I was just tired and wanted a break. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I shouldn't have talked to you that way. I'm sorry.
Mom: I know. It still doesn't change that you were that way.
Daughter: I will try it if you want me to.
Mom: Yes, I want you to try it, but I'm not going to put up with that. There is no point if you're going to act like that.
Daughter: I understand. I won't. I'm really sorry. I do want to do it, I really do.
Mom: Really? Are you going to listen?
Daughter: yes, I will do it.
<<Mom really feels her apology is real. Mom is so proud of daughter for standing up for what she wants even if she was a turd and disrespectful. She is so proud her daughter is acknowledging her own behavior. On top of all that, she even genuinely apologized of her own accord.>>
Mom (internally): "She IS learning what I'm trying teach her! This is the kid I know she is! This human is truly amazing, and she's my offspring!! I think she will give it an honest shot, Ok, let's do this.
Mom: Ok, and thank you for apologizing.
<<Mom clicks back to the Heartmath® program, which is still running. Mom catches a glimpse of the session still running. This just recorded this whole interaction. Mom is shocked at what she sees.>>
What I got in that split second of switching back to the HeartMath® software
was concrete evidence that feelings really do make a huge difference.
Stage 1: Excited, not doing breathing techniques, not thinking about my feelings.just excited to show daughter
Stage 2: Feeling deflated, angry and frustrated.
Turning Point: "Got Over" being mad - let the irritation go, and focused on doing my work instead of an insolent little pre-teen
Stage 3: Shortly after releasing the anger I started to get into coherence again. When my daughter came out and apologized, I was feeling incredibly appreciative of my daughter, no special breathing techniques were being employed but I just talking about what I love - this work, with one of my favorite people! Pretty awesome experience.
What does all this mean? See the conclusions I've drawn and get a little more exposure to my full introduction to HeartMath® Techniques by reading this article.
Have a question?
We’re here to help. Send me a message and I’ll get be in touch.
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